The 4 Conflict Styles + Exit Strategies
In any relationship, conflicts are bound to arise. How we handle these conflicts can determine the health and longevity of the relationship. Understanding the different conflict styles and having effective exit strategies can help navigate these challenging situations.
1. Escalation:
The escalation conflict style is characterized by negative responses that lead to increased hostility and negativity. For example, when criticized, individuals with this style tend to hit back even harder. This type of interaction often leads to both parties feeling hurt and the relationship crumbling.
The exit strategy for escalation is to call a time-out. It is important to recognize when emotions are running high and take a step back. Communicate to your partner, "I'm really fired up right now, and I love you enough to not go there with you. I need some space for an hour to gather my thoughts." Taking this time to cool down and reflect can prevent further damage and allow for a more productive conversation later.
2. Withdrawal/Avoidance:
The withdrawal/avoidance conflict style is characterized by an unwillingness to engage in important and sometimes uncomfortable conversations. Individuals with this style tend to shut down when faced with conflict.
The exit strategy for withdrawal/avoidance is to get and stay in the game. In a healthy partnership, it is crucial to learn how to communicate and resolve conflicts together. If your partner has this conflict style, it is important to respect their efforts to stay in the conversation. Be mindful of your tone of voice and keep the conversation conversational. This approach can help them feel more comfortable and willing to engage.
3. Invalidation:
The invalidation conflict style involves subtle and indirect put-downs of another person's thoughts, feelings, or character. It often stems from ego and the desire to "win" or be "right."
The exit strategy for invalidation is to remember that the goal is mutual validation and understanding, not winning or losing. Instead of putting your partner down, seek to understand their perspective and serve them. By showing empathy and respect, you can create an environment where both parties feel valued and heard.
4. Negative Interpretation:
The negative interpretation conflict style involves believing that the motive of the other person is more negative than it actually is. This style often stems from insecurity and can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts.
The exit strategy for negative interpretation is to believe the best and ask for clarification on intentions when needed. Trust that your partner is with you, not against you. Instead of assuming the worst, give them the benefit of the doubt and have open and honest conversations to clear any misunderstandings.
Conclusion:
It is important to have compassion for both yourself and your partner's conflict style, as it is likely influenced by past experiences and upbringing. These conflict styles are often rooted in ego, insecurity, and trauma. To have a successful and healthy relationship, both parties must be willing to do the necessary inner work and practice these exit strategies. By understanding and implementing these strategies, you can navigate conflicts more effectively and foster a stronger connection with your partner.
